tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2316976764185442032024-02-21T00:58:00.584+00:00The Velvet BearSharp claws, velvet pawsThe Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-5408359879474603472012-11-02T19:21:00.003+00:002012-11-02T19:21:45.971+00:00Two Fading Stags v the Young Bucks
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I love the internet. It has
revolutionised my life. Without it, I wouldn't have a wife and
family, I wouldn't have a sort-of second career and I wouldn't have
an outlet like this for my loves and frustrations. I also wouldn't
have such an insight into how different some people's behaviour is to
their public persona.</div>
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A few months ago I wrote here about the
acquisition of the Test Match Sofa website by The Cricketer magazine
and how much it concerned me. You can find that post quite easily, as
it is the one before this one. I never expected to need to use the
site again.</div>
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The reaction to that post surprised me.
I expected it to lose me a lot of contacts. Instead, I was almost
overwhelmed by magnanimity. Andy Afford, the Cricketer's publication
director, emailed me to assure me that, whilst he disagreed with what
I said, he had not problem at all with me saying it. The magazine's
editor, Andrew Miller, also got in touch. Not only was his message
similar, he later invited me to play for the magazine's cricket team
(although they were so short-handed, they were forced to pick Jarrod
Kimber, so don't read too much into that). Even the founder of Test
Match Sofa, Dan Norcross, reacted with nothing but kindness. It was
the maturest of responses.</div>
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In fact, this grace and decency has
been in stark contrast to the hostility that the very same people
have this week experienced from the BBC's Test Match Special team. It
seems that two of the more elderly members of the team, Christopher
'CMJ' Martin-Jenkins and Jonathan 'Aggers' Agnew, take exception to
the fact that the Beeb pays for the coverage it provides of
international cricket whilst the Sofa team just sit in front of a
television without paying a penny to anyone.</div>
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Of the two, it is Agnew's reaction that
has been the most inexcusable. He is, of course, entitled to his
opinion and he has done very well to build a public persona as an
avuncular front man around one fairly rubbish joke – so successful,
in fact, that most people have forgotten the humourless professional
cricketer who once reacted to a practical joke by losing his temper
and throwing a team-mate's kit off a balcony.</div>
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Martin-Jenkins' complaints might have
had some credence if they had not been so bitterly expressed, but
Agnew's purported defence of them as 'CMJ writing from the
perspective of a listener' was just risible. No-one is forcing
Martin-Jenkins to listen to Test Match Sofa, so if he was just
writing as 'an interested listener' there would be no force to his
argument. He could ignore the service much in the same way as I now
ignore the BBC's hamfisted attempts to present cricket highlights.
The only way he can give any weight to his argument is from the
perspective of someone in competition with the Sofa. Agnew always
claims that his pronouncements on Twitter are in a personal capacity
and not representative of the BBC and, interestingly, he sought to
put a different spin on the issue, arguing that cricket boards should
seek to charge the likes of Test Match Sofa for what they do, to
avoid loss of revenue.</div>
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Now, the argument that not paying for
rights takes money out of cricket has, at face value, some force. But
suppose that the different approach that Test Match Sofa takes to
presenting cricket actually either attracts more people to the game
or at worst stops people leaving it? Getting people to go to games is
hardly going to be detrimental to the sport, now is it?</div>
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This is, in essence, no different to
the arguments that were put forward against Kerry Packer, or against
Channel 4 taking over televised coverage from the BBC at the end of
the 1990s. And the reaction of the BBC to both events is exactly the
same, that they foreshadow the death of cricket. It is as if the BBC
commentators' manual has a mandatory clause stating that for every
action there must be an equal and opposite over-reaction.</div>
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Interestingly, though, if you accept
that both Aggers and CMJ were speaking in their personal capacities,
then they have probably both broken their contracts with the BBC. I
have seen a few of those contracts in my time and they usually
contain clauses about not making statements in public which are
detrimental to Auntie. It is hard to see how embroiling the
Corporation in an unseemly row over cricket coverage and using some
very intemperate language into the bargain isn't detrimental to them.
Moreover, criticising something likely to drive down the cost of
broadcasting rights just has to be bad for an organisation which has
to justify spending public funds on everything that it does.</div>
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What is so desperately sad about all of
this is that the panicking words of one veteran broadcaster have set
in place a chain reaction which has demeaned both him and one of his
colleagues in the eyes of anyone who has read what they had to say.
Despite the sentiments expressed earlier in this piece I still have
far more axes to grind with Test Match Sofa than I do with TMS (an
infinite number, in fact). I'd like to think that the two of them
could co-exist, yet the futile rage of Martin-Jenkins and Agnew just
reminds me of two elderly stags who fear their time is drawing short
and that the new bucks might soon be taking over.
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The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-70661884900315898662012-02-24T10:00:00.000+00:002012-02-24T10:00:01.233+00:00Sofa, so bad - Or...<i>...why the merger between The Cricketer and Test Match Sofa is wonderful news for them and terrible news for many more</i><br />
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We are barely two months into the new
year and already cricket has thrown up enough talking points to last
us the whole year. There's been the resurgence of Pakistan, the
ongoing decline of India, the increasing likelihood of Sachin
Tendulkar ending his career on 99 international hundreds and so many
more, yet the most controversial story of all seems to have taken
place off of the pitch and indeed nowhere near a stadium or
administrators office at all.<br /><br />I speak, of course, of the
purchase of alternative commentary broadcaster Test Match Sofa by
fusty old Cricketer magazine. A surprising move, yes, but one which
has stirred up a furore that none of those involved could have
envisaged.<br /><br />I should probably declare several interests at this
point. Back in September 2008 a well known cricket writer and I
conceived the idea for something very similar to Test Match Sofa.
Unfortunately this coincided with me starting a new job and him
landing a book deal, and nothing came of it. I therefore have nothing
but admiration for the people who had the inspiration, time, energy
and resources to set up Test Match Sofa and make it work so well.</div>
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In addition, I know a number of those
involved in the deal. I have played cricket alongside some of the
Sofa lot. Andrew Miller, editor of the Cricketer, is someone I have
met on several occasions, 100% of which have involved alcohol. The
magazine's publication director Andy Afford gave me my first writing
job for a cricket magazine (even if he did keep forgetting to credit
me). I have no axe to grind with any of them and I am certainly not
going to join the chorus of people crying 'kissy kissy sell out' at
the parties.<br /><br />All of which is why I feel so bad that I can only
see this merger as a bad thing. I know that it was necessary if the
Sofa was to continue and I applaud the Cricketer for reaching out to
a younger audience. I know that the Sofa is breaking no laws by what
it does (I've done the research, remember) and that the ECB and BBC
are making themselves look even more foolish than usual with their
bleating about it. And yet to me this deal echoes of nothing but the
sound of doors closing.
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One of the great pleasures of the past
few years has been watching bloggers slowly insinuate themselves into
the mainstream media, and this is perhaps more prevalent in sport
than in any other sphere of journalism. It has been my delight to see
Jarrod Kimber progress from his scabrous, scatological <a href="http://www.cricketwithballs.com/" target="_blank">Cricket With Balls</a> site to the pages of Cricinfo and on to the point where the man
is now making a <a href="http://deathofagentlemanfilm.com/" target="_blank">film</a> about the decline of Test cricket.
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The internet has also presented a
wonderful opportunity for women to show that they, too, have a deep
knowledge and understanding of sports. In South Africa Ant Sims
became one of the nation's leading sports <a href="http://www.wicketmaiden.com/" target="_blank">bloggers</a> before most people
even realised that she had two x chromosomes and can now be found
gracing the pages of no less an institution than Sports Illustrated.
Meanwhile, in the UK, Lizzy Ammon – herself a Sofa alumnus - has
gone from being a reluctant <a href="http://www.legsidelizzy.com/" target="_blank">blogger</a> unsure if she had anything new
to say to providing online commentary for The Mirror newspaper. There
really is a whole new world of opportunities out there.</div>
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Or is there? The problem is that for
every blogger who makes these steps, dozens don't. Even after you
weed out the ones who lack dedication and/or talent, there are still
a substantial number for whom the door is never opened. And with each
successful blogger, there is a door shutting behind them to so many others.</div>
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Which is why the Cricketer-Sofa deal is
a bad thing. Suddenly, a part of the cricket establishment has
control over the one opening there is for wannabe cricket
broadcasters. At the same time, the magazine has a ready supply of
new, enthusiastic freelance writers at its beck and call. Quite where
this leaves those who currently commentate but who are already tied
to other publications is anyone's guess, but the future for them
doesn't look rosy at all.</div>
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There will be those who blanche at that
last statement, but you don't even have to be as cynical as I am to
realise that however much Miller <i>et al </i>might deny it, there is
going to come a point where it happens. Some suit with a calculator
and a balance sheet is going to become involved. They are going to
wonder why the broadcast medium that they paid a six figure sum for
isn't sourcing its talent from the people they are already paying.
Instead of two breeding grounds for new talent, you get the same old
faces revolving in and out, much like the England team of the 1990s.</div>
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<span style="font-style: normal;">As a
result, the</span> door into cricket broadcasting is shut because it
has a new, establishment, doorman and a number of doors into cricket
writing are blocked off because someone has put a Sofa across them.
However much you love what each organisation does, you can't pretend
that this is a good thing.</div>
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For possibly the first time ever, I've
written something in the hope that I will be proved wrong.</div>The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-78406896187820076712009-09-22T18:20:00.003+01:002009-09-22T18:24:54.486+01:00Sainsbury's Beer Competition - 1st Quarter Final<span style="font-weight: bold;">Whistle v Bretwalda</span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">One lucky ale had to make it through to the quarter finals on a bye, and Whistle is it. Unfortunately, this is ill-deserved luck, because Whistle is duller than the new Snow Patrol single (which is possibly the dullest piece of music ever committed to memory by anyone). It is so average, so uninspiring and so lacking in flavour, that it is little more than flavoured water, with a touch of alcohol thrown in.<br /><br />Bretwalda actually improves slightly on the second tasting, but it is still pretty insipid. On this occasion, though, it wins through simply by not being Whistle.<br /></div>The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-40546210467500912322009-09-20T09:09:00.000+01:002009-09-20T09:09:00.054+01:00Sainsbury's Beer Competition - 7th Opening Contest<span style="font-weight: bold;">Shropshire Lass v 80/-</span><br /><br />Shropshire Lass is a revelation. Blonde beers usually lack something, a certain depth of flavour or character. But the Lass starts off with a honey, almost toffee-like, flavour that is then undercut by a generous burst of citrussy sharpness.<br /><br />I had, in truth, expected the 80/- to walk this contest, but in fact the best thing I can say about it is that I didn't get bored of drinking it until the glass was 3/4 empty. It was a perfectly decent shilling ale, but just didn't stand out from the crowd in anyway. As a new beer, it was certainly inferior to <span style="font-weight: bold;">Shropshire Lass</span>, which wins by a country mileThe Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-71988065657525529062009-09-18T09:38:00.000+01:002009-09-18T09:38:00.174+01:00Sainsbury's Beer Competition - 6th Opening Contest<span style="font-weight: bold;">Porteresque v Birds & Bees</span><br /><br />Porteresque is everything you might want from a porter. Rich, fruity, malty and without the annoying tendency to demand a tip before doing anything meaningful.<br /><br />Birds & Bees starts out promisingly, with a crisp, fragrant nose and a very clean taste. The problem is that it is simply too light and clean, it has no depth at all and ends up very much like drinking fizzy water.<br /><br />In the end , <span style="font-weight: bold;">Porteresque</span> wins by some distance. And no, it didn't cost me $5 just to say that.The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-34824529222411710702009-09-16T22:46:00.002+01:002009-09-16T22:57:34.126+01:00Sainsbury's Beer Competition - 5th Opening ContestChaos Theory v Woild Moild<br /><br />OK, now this definitely sounds like a contest from Robot Wars. All we need are Craig Charles, Jonathan Pearce shouting like a deranged toddler and a large number of geeks. Oh, and Julia Reed and Phillipa Forrester in excessively tight leather trousers.<br /><br />Unfortunately, there's not enough room in here for all of that, so we'll willingly settle for two beers and Mrs Bear in nothing but lingerie.<br /><br />Beer first, obviously. Woild Moild is just as an old fashioned mild should be - hearty, almost treacly, with a lasting aftertaste.<br /><br />Chaos Theory is a brute, as you would expect an IPA at 7.1%ABV to be. The problem is that it is almost completely unmemorable, too easy to drink and too lacking in distinguishing flavour.<br /><br />Victory, therefore, to Woild Moild. I'll leave you to imagine Charles et all. I'm off to attend to Mrs Bear.The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-4800191122653170812009-09-15T21:41:00.002+01:002009-09-15T21:45:36.508+01:00Sainsbury's Beer Competition - 4th Opening Contest<span style="font-weight: bold;">Taylor's Tipple v Wilson's IPA</span><br /><br />Oh dear. After six pretty decent pints, this really was - with apologies to Ben Folds - the battle of who cares less.<br /><br />Taylor's Tipple was disappointingly average. Nothing but a bog standard bitter, ok to drink but nothing to stand out from the crowd.<br /><br />The IPA was even blander, with no discernible flavour of either hops, yeast or anything else. It was also a bit sharper than an IPA should be.<br /><br />Which means that the <span style="font-weight: bold;">Tipple</span> wins, but that's really not an achievement at all.The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-91479697554148734202009-09-14T22:23:00.003+01:002009-09-14T22:29:45.045+01:00Sainsbury's Beer Competition - 3rd Opening Contest<span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">For the second year, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Sainsbury's</span> are having a beer contest. The most popular of 15 selected bottled beers will make it onto their product list.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Now, the Bear loves a contest, so I'm randomly selecting two beers a night and playing them off against one another, until we either have a winner of I die of alcohol poisoning</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bays Breaker v Williams' Ceilidh</span><br /><br />This was a genuine Blue Peter moment. I don't normally like lagers, but this was something of a revelation. Rich, complex and with an almost <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">citrussy</span> finish.<br /><br />Bays Breaker is a perfectly decent bitter. Solid, warming, but with a slightly metallic aftertaste that takes a bit of getting used to. On any other day, this may well have been a winner, but the <span style="font-weight: bold;">Ceilidh</span> was too good today.The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-44289970109390631102009-09-14T09:08:00.001+01:002009-09-14T09:08:00.283+01:00Sainsbury's Beer Competition - 2nd Opening Contest<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">For the second year, Sainsbury's are having a beer contest. The most popular of 15 selected bottled beers will make it onto their product list.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-style: italic;">Now, the Bear loves a contest, so I'm randomly selecting two beers a night and playing them off against one another, until we either have a winner of I die of alcohol poisoning.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Dogma v Bretwalda</span><br /><br />After yesterday's contest, this was disappointing. Dogma is a honey heather ale, weighing in at a hefty 7.9%ABV. Unfortunately, it lacks the lingering sweetness of other honey or heather ales, whilst also lacking the warming density of other high alcohol beers.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bretwalda</span> therefore wins by default, despite being a rather thin and uninspiring ale, with nothing special to commend it but none of the faults of Dogma, either.<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br /><br /></span></span>The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-40922839534895355582009-09-13T21:56:00.003+01:002009-09-13T22:14:54.983+01:00Sainsbury's Beer Competition - 1st Opening Contest<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">For the second year, Sainsbury's are having a beer contest. The most popular of 15 selected bottled beers will make it onto their product list.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Now, the Bear loves a contest, so I'm randomly selecting two beers a night and playing them off against one another, until we either have a winner of I die of alcohol poisoning.</span></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Hardcore IPA v Bath Ales' Golden Hare<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></span></span>A tough decision this, because I genuinely<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span></span></span></span>liked both beers. Golden Hare is a nice, light drinking ale, hoppy but not overly so. A perfect drink for a warm summer evening.<br /><br />Hardcore IPA, on the other hand, is slightly more bitter than the average IPA. However, it brings with it a certain depth of flavour and a certain density that set it apart from other IPAs. The beer is also slightly more viscous than usual, meaning that the flavour lingers in your mouth a little longer.<br /><br />In a close contest, the winner is<span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> Hardcore IPA<br /></span></span></span></span>The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-9674572734297133042009-08-19T14:15:00.001+01:002009-08-19T14:15:58.291+01:00I'm A CheatI’m a cheat. <br /><br />There, I said it. No messing, no excuses, just an open and honest admission. I get onto a rugby pitch and I cheat like mad.<br /><br />Handling in the ruck? Absolutely. I’m damn good at that. There’s no coincidence that the best referee my side had all last season was the only one to catch me doing it. (By comparison, the worst referee we had was the one who pinged me for handling on the only occasion I never actually touched the ball.)<br /><br />That’s not my only crime, though. Breaking too soon from the scrum when the referee’s back is turned? That’ll be me. Slowly retreating so I’m still in the way when a tap penalty is taken? Guilty, your honour. Cutting a team-mate so that we can have a blood replacement? Er, no. That’s going way too far.<br /><br />I’m a back row forward. Cheating is what we are good at, it is part of the game and everyone does it to everybody else. I’ve been involved in playground-style scraps for the ball with opponents when we are both lying at the bottom of a ruck. But hell, I’ve never gone as far as Dean Richards had his Harlequins team do last season. There’s cheating where you do it to your opponent before they do it to you, and there’s cheating where you stoop so low that even the earthworms look down on you.<br /><br />The sad thing is, I learned a lot of what I know from watching Deano. For example, I wear my socks rolled down, because he did and he did so because it makes it harder for the referee to tell which side an infringing leg belongs to. As a callow youth in the 80s, learning the basics of back row play, there was no better player to watch. Look back at his debut against Ireland and see the lengths the Irish pack go to to stop him scoring a third pushover try and you’ll see what I mean.<br /><br />For me, those memories are all tarnished now. The man who played the game as it should be played on the pitch somehow has become the man who tried to ruin the game for those who came after him. The world of rugby may never forgive him.The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-52638758715194031422009-06-26T15:39:00.002+01:002009-06-26T15:42:51.299+01:00Michael Jackson - A Heretic's View<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:78%;">My editor at the Daily Mail is on holiday and her stand in is ignoring me, so this is the piece which I wrote for them today and which I am now assuming that they won't use. Enjoy:<br /><span style="font-style:italic;"></span><br />First, a word of warning. This article contains a number of small heresies, all of which relate to dead people. If you don’t want to be offended, look away now. Go and make a hot drink, then return for the final paragraph. It’s the internet equivalent of hiding behind the sofa.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">You see, I never liked Michael Jackson. I didn’t like his music, it meant nothing to me. I didn’t like the obviously fake public persona. I didn’t like the way he would have no compulsion about shafting his friends if it suited him to do so. And I certainly didn’t like the way he surrounded himself with children – although not for the reasons which you might think.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Let us begin with the music. </span><st1:city><st1:place><span lang="EN-GB">Jackson</span></st1:place></st1:city><span lang="EN-GB">’s contribution to his own sound was far less than many people believe. His music was shaped by the demands of his family during the early years, then by the likes of Stevie Wonder, Quincy Jones and the shamefully unheralded Rod Temperton. Once he abandoned them and began to rely more upon his own songwriting, his recording career began to decline rapidly. As a singer and dancer, </span><st1:city><st1:place><span lang="EN-GB">Jackson</span></st1:place></st1:city><span lang="EN-GB"> was one of the finest of his generation. No-one could put more emotion into a mawkishly over-sentimental ballad such as “She’s Out Of My Life” without utterly destroying it and you have to respect the care and craftsmanship that goes into it. But the song itself, like virtually all of his output, is meaningless nonsense.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">The public persona? Come on, surely you don’t seriously believe that a grown man, over 6 feet tall, speaks in that soft, childlike voice all the time? Online, you can easily find an interview which </span><st1:city><st1:place><span lang="EN-GB">Jackson</span></st1:place></st1:city><span lang="EN-GB"> gave with Oprah Winfrey, where he talks about the abuse which he received at the hands of his father. You can also find his press conference, where he announced the dates for his shows at the O2 arena. Go and listen to them. It is as if there are two different people talking. Why? Because as you get older, you lose the ability to force your voice to hit high notes. If that childlike voice was real, it wouldn’t decay. The voice, the surgical mask, the umbrella, the whole thing was an act that the world fell for, hook line and sinker.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Two other heresies now. I don’t believe that he was a child abuser and I don’t believe that he had his skin whitened. I am quite prepared to accept that the skin thing was a medical condition. Frankly, why would you not do so. If someone tells you they have cancer, you don’t disbelieve them, do you? Moreover, has any celebrity ever had so much cosmetic surgery carried out so badly as Michael Jackson did? Why would a skin whitening treatment be the only one to work?</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">The child abuse allegations always polarise opinion. The fans do not believe that he did anything, the detractors won’t believe he didn’t. Yet one of the few things we know about the man is that he liked the company of children, and children liked him. Children of the age </span><st1:city><st1:place><span lang="EN-GB">Jackson</span></st1:place></st1:city><span lang="EN-GB"> surrounded himself with were of an age where kids are typically very unjudgmental and love anyone who will shower them with affection and toys. Once they started to question the relationship, the cruellest thing that he did to them was to cut them off. He was too astute a businessman to actually do anything wrong, but too in love with his own image to cut himself off from a very risky situation. It is unsurprising that, once or twice, he almost fell off that tightrope.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Michael Jackson was a fine singer and a superb dancer. But he was also a sad, lonely and incredibly vain man who exploited those around him no matter who they were and how old they were. If you look past the rumours and publicity machine, there really wasn’t very much to commend him at all.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-GB">Yesterday, a million people died. Among them were Farrah Fawcett, after a long battle with cancer, Seonnai Gordon, a mother who lost her battle against TB, and we also learned of the death of one of the finest journalists of modern times, Steven Wells. All of them and all of their families are at least, if not more, deserving of our sympathy than Michael Jackson, yet the legacies of all of them are in danger of being lost amid the eulogising of a man who, in my opinion, couldn’t hold a candle to any of them.</span></p>The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-59621232890952651452009-02-17T14:45:00.002+00:002009-02-17T15:35:17.510+00:00Crisp Wars - The Verdict(One orgy of crisp eating later - sorry, Gus)<br /><br />This was interesting. I am glad I decided to try more than one packet of each new flavour of crisp, because the second tasting was very informative indeed.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Onion <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Bhaji</span></span> flavour were pretty much the same on a second try. There was a point about halfway through the second bag where I got a bit bored with them, but I think that might have been due to bad flavouring in the factory rather than a fault with the recipe per <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">se</span>. There was certainly the same warm aftertaste, so on balance my opinion remains unchanged.<br /><br />My views on <span style="font-weight: bold;">Chili and Chocolate</span> remain largely unaltered, too. Except to say that, first time around, my judgment was clearly clouded by the awfulness of the chili flavour, in that I entirely overlooked the unutterable awfulness of the chocolate. It is like the horrible cheap rubbish you get in chocolate advent calendars, only worse. Really very nasty indeed.<br /><br />A return to <span style="font-weight: bold;">Builders Breakfast</span> initially disappointed me. I got nothing new from the rather extreme flavour combination and certainly couldn't find the elusive buttered toast flavour. Then, a short while after I had finished the packet, I belched and was rewarded with a lovely taste of bacon. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Mmmm</span>.<br /><br />The flavour which lost the most ground on second tasting was <span style="font-weight: bold;">Fish and Chip</span>. I'm not sure what happened, but all I could taste this time around was fish. Admittedly it was a very good recreation of the flavour of cod, but on the other hand it was a flavour which felt rather <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">unpleasant</span> without the texture of white fish to accompany it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Roast Duck and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Hoi</span> Sin Sauce</span> was the surprise of the round. I cannot begin to explain why, but on this occasion the flavours were more bearable and in fact I finished the packet very quickly, almost absentmindedly pulling crisp after crisp from the bag. These could be the new Roast Chicken flavour, too strong for most occasions but ideal for when you are a little bit distracted or concentrating on something else.<br /><br />Finally, <span style="font-weight: bold;">Cajun Squirrel</span> didn't do anything for me this time around. The flavour quickly became boring. As before, it was just like eating spicy <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">potato</span>. I fear that there is a limit to how much of that your body can stand before it loses interest.<br /><br />My final rankings, therefore, are:<br /><br /><ol><li>Onion Bhaji</li><li>Builders Breakfast</li><li>Roast Duck and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Hoi</span> Sin</li><li>Cajun Squirrel</li><li>Fish and Chip</li><li>Chili and Chocolate<br /></li></ol>The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-7016402642772378372009-02-11T22:06:00.002+00:002009-02-11T22:30:08.801+00:00Crisp Wars - Part 2OK, time for the second part of the Walkers Crispoff. I have now sampled the second set of three flavours and, on the plus side, I'm still here.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Fish & Chips</span><br /><br />A word of warning. If you're expecting these to be anything like the old savoury snack, which from memory was like an intensely salty and vinegary biscuit, shaped like either a fish or a chip, you'll be very disappointed. There's no overwhelming odour at all with this packet and the aroma, if anything, is exactly the same as you'd get from unwrapping a fresh and hot fish supper.<br /><br />Unfortunately, this promising start is somewhat ruined by the fact that you never really get the flavour of fish or indeed chips, the latter being surprising in a potato snack. What you get instead is the taste of fresh batter, which is not unpleasant in itself, but somewhat boring after a whole packet. It is as if Walkers were so intent on not making this too salty or too vinegary, that they forgot to put any depth of flavour in at all.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Roast Duck & Hoi Sin Sauce</span><br /><br />It is hard to know just where to begin describing this crisp. In some respects, it is done very well. You can definitely taste both the duck element and the sauce, and the balance between the two is well maintained. The problem, though, is that the flavours are not as nice as they could be. The duck flavour is somewhat fatty, like the area closest to the skin sometimes is in a roast duck, rather than the moist, flavoursome flavour you get from a well cooked duck breast. And the hoi sin sauce doesn't have the smooth flavour of the real thing; this is harsh and does not last long enough on the palate - the response provoked is 'ooh, hoi sin - oh, it's gone'. It works, but not as it should.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Cajun Squirrel</span><br /><br />Ever eaten squirrel? Nope, me neither. Apparently, it tastes like chicken, only sweeter. These crisps don't taste anything like chicken. They don't taste cajun, either. In fact, they taste like Bombay potato dishes do.<br /><br />This may make you think that something has gone horribly, horribly wrong in the mix. But this isn't so. They may not be the crisps they claim to be, but they are very tasty nonetheless. The spice balance is just right, with a warming aftertaste.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What now?</span> Well, I am going to give each flavour one more try, in a frenetic orgy of crisp eating. It might be that I change my mind on some things, but then again I might not. I just believe that every flavour deserves a second chance to impress me. The fact that I bought two six packs of them might come into it, too.The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-43385492022289834422009-02-09T16:41:00.003+00:002009-02-10T12:54:17.930+00:00AdulteryAt church on Sunday (yes, <span style="font-style: italic;">I know</span>...) we were treated to a sermon on adultery, part of a riveting series on the 10 Commandments . I'm not sure why they didn't save the best one until last, doing them in order just seems so predictable.<br /><br />Anyway, in the middle of his lecture - getting a few things off his chest, I fear - the vicar suddenly announced that "...even when you have closed the door to keep the children out, God is in the room with you when you are making love".<br /><br />WHAT?<br /><br />I don't care who they are, I don't want anyone else in that room unless my wife's invited them.<br /><br />Forget about committing adultery. Now I'm too scared to commit fidelity.The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-78624251175677615982009-02-09T14:32:00.003+00:002009-02-09T14:48:07.298+00:00Crisp Wars - Part 1<div style="text-align: justify;">You might not be aware of this, but Walkers Crisps are currently trialling six new flavours of crisp. Consumers are asked to vote for their favourite, which will, Walkers claim, be added to their permanent range of crisps.<br /><br />Being a kind person - and with the reassurance that Bupa's Online Health Check has told me that I have a better than 75% chance of living until I am 90 - I decided to try all six flavours for you. Here are the first three:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Onion Bhaji</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span>I expected this to be absolutely awful. I thought it was either going to be a sour version of their pickled onion Monster Munch, or a flavour so overpowering I wouldn't be able to taste anything for a week. I was delighted to find that nothing was further from the truth. The onion flavour is very subtle and the spice is just right - enough to taste, not enough to overwhelm. I always find that, with good Indian food, I still have the memory of the flavour several hours later. The same was true for this crisp.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Chili and Chocolate</span><br /><br />Of all the six flavours, I was most curious to see how this one would work. I have had chocolate with chili in on many occasions and it is one of those treats which actually pales after a while - the extra tang and heat of the chili becomes annoying by the sixth piece.<br /><br />These crisps improved on that, but not in a good way. The chocolate flavour was very subtle, as if the manufacturer was scared of putting too much sweetness into a savoury snack. And the chili flavour was just horrible, bitter and nasty. To be avoided.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Builders Breakfast</span><br /><br />To explain, these crisps are supposed to capture the essentials of a full English breakfast. There's a lot to cram in and they've left out some things entirely, such as mushrooms and black pudding. Even so, Walkers claim to have squeezed egg, bacon, buttered toast and ketchup into these crisps. I'm not sure they have succeeded. There's certainly a very strong flavour of fried egg and a hint of ketchup. You get a faint taste of something porky, but it is more sausage than bacon. Butter and toast are nowhere to be found, swamped in the attempt to create something even Heston Blumenthal would think ambitious.<br /><br />The other problem is that someone did produce Sausage and Ketchup crisps a while back, so this comes over as a bit of a pale imitation - not enough sausage, not enough ketchup and far too much egg.<br /></div><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span>The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-5397174305748931992008-06-22T10:37:00.002+01:002008-06-22T10:46:57.978+01:00Disappointing NaomiSupermodel Naomi Campbell is apparently 'disappointed' that she was prosecuted for assaulting a police officer at Heathrow Airport.<br /><br />Not half as disappointed as I was that she escaped with only a community punishment, rather than a jail term.<br /><br />This vacuous waste of DNA now has convictions on both sides of the Atlantic for assault. She makes millions of pounds a year simply because she is able to walk in a straight line whilst being very thin. Instead of getting angry every time something doesn't go her way, she should be profoundly grateful that there are enough people out there stupid enough to think that what she does for a living matters. If they didn't, she would be just another one of life's nonentities.<br /><br />Moreover, how the hell did she get away with such a light sentence? Singer Ian Brown and jockey Timmy Murphy were both jailed for similar offences and I see no reason why La Campbell is not doing the same. Yet it seems that the whinging woman can't even recognise her good fortune on this score, either. Makes you sick, doesn't it?The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-56572591031207459142008-05-22T10:05:00.002+01:002008-05-22T10:36:31.570+01:00In Praise of FergieAfter 2 European Cups, 10 league titles, a Cup-Winners' Cup and goodness knows how many other trophies, Sir Alex Ferguson has earned the right to be regarded as one of the greatest football managers ever. Even if he is a myopic whingebag whose row with the BBC now rates as the third longest sulk in history.<br /><br />But isn't his greatest achievement that, when people hear the name 'Fergie', they now think of an angry, bucolic Scotsman instead of a plump red-headed princess?The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-86771981156220890872008-01-26T11:12:00.000+00:002008-01-26T11:19:20.118+00:00Bring On The PiesThe British government has had a great new idea to curb the rise in obesity across the nation. They are going to pay fat people to lose weight.<br /><br />Not only is this an interesting way to penalise people for being healthy and spending their money on gym membership rather than deep fried pizza, it also strikes me that the system is ripe for abuse. Especially by me.<br /><br />If you need me, I'll be eating my way through a branch of McDonald's. Per day. It's OK, because the government will pay me to lose the weight again, and in the meantime the NHS will pick up the tab for any obesity related illness I develop.<br /><br />Sounds like a win-win to me.The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-2629035328665183862008-01-19T17:03:00.001+00:002008-01-19T17:12:02.287+00:00If Truth Be ToldI heard a story the other day of a man who was run down by a car as he was walking home from a party. He was on the pavement and the car was reversing into a driveway.<br /><br />Understandably annoyed at the driver's lack of care and attention, he kicked out at the car. Whereupon the driver leaped out of the car and punched the still-prostrate man several times in the face. Then he got back into the car and reversed over the man again, breaking the man's leg.<br /><br />Not unnaturally, the man called the police.<br /><br />Question: What do you think the police did when they arrived?<br /><br />If you answered 'arrested the driver' or 'nothing', you get to go and stand in the corner with the dunce's hat on.<br /><br />The correct answer, of course, is 'they arrested the man for being drunk and disorderly'. Well, his breath smelled of alcohol and he couldn't stand up. Plus the driver told them that the man had kicked his car.<br /><br />This might sound like a highly entertaining story, but it raises an important point. If the police had listened to both sides of the story and hadn't just assumed that what they were being told by one party was right, they would surely have reacted differently. There's a lesson for us all in this tale.The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-26114822166016212242008-01-13T10:10:00.000+00:002008-01-13T10:13:50.271+00:00The Case For Unnatural SelectionOne of the big issues in the news at the moment is organ donation. Specifically, whether people should have to opt out, rather than in, of the organ donation programme.<br /><br />This morning, someone contacted Sky News to suggest that, if the Government made organ donation mandatory, they should pay for the donors' funerals. He must be the only person who thinks the plan was to kill people for their organs.<br /><br />Still, it is an interesting way to raise the number of donors. We can start with the idiots...The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-14687158296110235652008-01-05T13:54:00.000+00:002008-01-05T13:57:37.351+00:00Blaming it on the babyI had an interesting time on the Saturday before Christmas.<br /><br />First, I got dinged by a speed camera. In ordinary circumstances this would be slightly unfortunate, but the camera in question is practically at the bottom of my road and I just forgot it was there.<br /><br />Then, en route to darkest Shropshire, I got a slow puncture. Apparently the tyre died of old age, which means I had probably been told it would need replacing soon and had forgotten.<br /><br />Between these two things, I drove out of a motorway service station with my mobile phone on the roof of my car. I last saw it bouncing under the wheels of the car behind me on the M40.<br /><br />A number of my friends, upon learning of this, have said I can blame this on having become a father recently. Problem is, I didn't even have the baby in the car at the time. But if having a child is an excuse for any mistakes, I shall take him with me everywhere from now on.The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-64381821490706894222007-08-20T21:29:00.000+01:002007-08-20T22:59:27.542+01:00Let The Game Begin<div style="text-align: justify;">Imagine this. It is a couple of weeks before the start of a new Premiership season and David Beckham has been arrested, charged with animal cruelty. He says he didn't do it, but the four guys charged with him have confessed and implicated him. He faces a five year prison sentence and a huge fine.<br /><br />Meanwhile, Rio Ferdinand has been arrested so often in the past few months, he has been banned from playing for a whole season, John Terry is suspended until October after serving a jail term for having an unlicensed firearm and the brightest young star in British football, the one everyone wanted to sign at the end of last season, is refusing to sign a deal until he is offered better terms by the club that thought they'd got him back in April.<br /><br />It couldn't happen here, could it? You'd like to think not - even if I am writing this on the day that Lee Hughes got out of jail after serving half his sentence for causing death by dangerous driving. Now substitute the names of Michael Vick, Adam 'Pacman' Jones and Terry 'Tank' Johnson and you are just scratching the surface of the fun and games that has been the off-season in America's National Football League.<br /><br />Of course, having an off season of 6 months does help when it comes to finding time to generate scandal, but in all of the above cases the player concerned managed to do the damage during the season itself and has spent his time fighting afterwards. Indeed Johnson, at the time a defensive lineman for the Chicago Bears, had to get permission from a judge to even play in the Superbowl in February - before nipping inside for two months, a consequence of the firearms offence and a parole violation. Jones, many think, has been harshly dealt with, as the Tennessee Titan's cornerback hasn't actually been convicted of any serious offence - he's just been arrested for a heck of a lot of minor ones.<br /><br />But it is Vick who is in the biggest trouble. One of the finest quarterbacks of his generation, he has - again as I have been writing this - concluded a plea bargain in which he will admit breeding and training dogs for dogfighting, and allowing them to fight on his land. He faces 5 years in jail and a very big fine. Which is actually a lot better than the federal racketeering charges - basically, a charge that he funded the dogfighting operation and the betting on it - he would've faced without the plea bargain.<br /><br />Moreover, having served his time, Vick is very unlikely to play football again. This is partly due to the stringent code of conduct brought in by the NFL and their new Commissioner Roger Goodall. Step out of line with Uncle Roger and you are looking at a 10 game suspension, minimum. Moderation has never been a big element of American sport, but I doubt anyone would have anticipated the Goodall revolution. No offense too trivial, no suspension too long, seems to be his motto. And that is for things which happen <span style="font-style: italic;">off</span> the field.<br /><br />Of course, if you take 1800 young men and pay them upwards of £1m each per year [on average] then you are bound to get one or two bits of misbehaviour. Goodall can never have expected someone to do something as grim as he did. At the same time, the other 1799 can hardly have anticipated a man so puritanical, they are expected to make Snow White look like a slut. Imagine the outcry here if a Premiership player got a 10 match ban if they were convicted of a motoring offence? Jermaine Pennant would just be an expensive footnote in football history, that's for sure.<br /><br />All of which leaves the Atlanta Falcons without a quarterback, the Titans without their number one kick returner and the Bears without the cornerstone of their defensive line. Out in Cincinatti, no fewer than 9 players have been arrested in the last 12 months and the entire team must be on tenterhooks. The only team cheering will be the Oakland Raiders, who finally got number one draft pick JaMarcus Russell to sign his contract less than 48 hours before the pre-season games began.<br /><br />With all of this buildup, this has to be one of the most exciting NFL seasons ever. I've not even considered the chances of the Indianapolis Colts retaining their title, of the Bears recovering from their SuperBowl humiliation, and the damage that may have been wrought upon perennial favourites Tampa Bay by their signing of the mercurial Randy Moss, but I can't wait for it all to start.<br /></div>The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-54738378696010254812007-08-13T20:37:00.001+01:002007-08-13T21:51:01.423+01:00The Point George W. Jumped The Shark<div style="text-align: justify;">For those of you not familiar with it, the phrase 'jumping the shark' refers to the point at which something or someone performs an act so far beyond the bounds of credibility that you can never take the seriously again. There's a fuller - although still incomplete - explanation <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jumping_the_shark">here.</a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span>Where George Walker Bush is concerned, of course, there are many reasons to think that he lost the plot a long, long time ago. However, for the past 7 years or so he has at least been saying the sort of thing that his own people want to hear. If he wasn't, why the heck did they re-elect him? But his most recent piece of nonsense surely goes so far beyond intelligable that even the most gullible American must be raising an eyebrow at it. And for me, the point where even the idiots in your own country think you are an idiot is the point where nothing you can say or do, ever again, will get you my respect.<br /><br />What, you may be wondering, has Dubbya done that even I will now agree that the only reason to keep him in office is the fear of what he might do <span style="font-style: italic;">without</span> hundreds of minions watching his every move? Well, it is a simple thing. He's appointed Cal Ripken Jr as a Special Envoy to the State Department.<br /><br />I have nothing against Cal Ripken Jr. He is a nice man, a very nice man. A man so nice that everyone cheered when he broke one of baseball's most coveted records, that for the most consecutive games. But that is also the point. He's a baseball player. Which, frankly, if you are looking for someone to go around the world spreading goodwill for your nation, is not the best place to start.<br /><br />The only point in appointing a celebrity to any political - or, in this case, quasi-political - post, is the hope that they will use their celebrity as a form of endorsing you and your organisation. Which means that, if you are going to appoint someone most people have never heard of, you might as well appoint, well, me.<br /><br />Baseball is a game which was invented by Americans (yes, I know that there are some disputes about its origins, because I've read <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Playing-Hard-Ball-Cricket-Baseball/dp/0349116660/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/202-3188404-2114264?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1187037295&sr=8-1">this</a>), which means that it tends to be played in places where there has at some point been a heavy American influence. Like North America, Latin America and Japan. Admittedly, in the latter case the influence was markedly different to the other two locations, but despite this, all of these places are by and large pretty friendly to the USA. Which means there is no point sending a celebrity Special Envoy there.<br /><br />If there were other countries in the world that were big on baseball, but not friendly towards the USA, then appointing Ripken to this role might make sense. But the only country that is, is Cuba, with whom the USA has no formal ties with anyway, other than to occupy a corner of it as a glorified kipnappers hideout. They are hardly going to send one of their favourite sons out there.<br /><br />Conversely, in the places where America does need a bit of celebrity product endorsement, no-one is going to have heard of Ripken. Or most baseballers. It's a bit like us sending a cricketer as a celebrity amassador to the States.<br /><br />Ripken has been keen to stress that his role isn't political. But if it isn't, what is the point of doing it? He could be a fantastic envoy for baseball, spreading the word to countries that don't play the game, because then all he needs to do is say "Hey, it must be a great game, because I played 2,632 consecutive matches". Without the political element, his role is meaningless, but without being a celebrity in the countries he is going to, he might as well be another faceless politician.<br /><br />Cal Ripken Jr doesn't need Special Envoy status, he'd be better able to do what he would be really good at without it. The man who gave him the role, though, really does need a special bus.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></div>The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-231697676418544203.post-6730181300412998502007-07-31T20:22:00.000+01:002007-07-31T23:53:18.200+01:00Spinning The Wheels That Spin The Wheels<div style="text-align: justify;">So, yet another Tour <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">de</span> France has ended in farce and acrimony. Three riders failed drug tests during the race, another failed one before they even started and the one time leader was sacked by his own team for allegedly lying about why he missed two tests in the months before the race.<br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">Arguably this is actually an improvement on last year, when the winner was disqualified for drug taking, but it is scant consolation to a race and a sport now vanishing under the weight of its own excrement. Someone needs to start digging their way out, and fast.<br /><br />Unfortunately, the evidence of the past three weeks is that you can't rely upon the cyclists to wield the shovel, because they'll just dig down deeper. Consider the five dimwits referred to above:<br /><ul><li>Cristian <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Moreni</span> failed a drug test during the tour. In some ways he's been the most sensible about this, saying nothing of any substance and quietly crawling into a hole away from the spotlight. The guy gambled, lost and knows it;</li></ul><br /><ul><li><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Iban</span> Mayo is arguably the dimmest of the five. Having gotten away with a failed test during the Giro <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">d'Italia</span> he surely must have known that he, of all people, was going to be <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">targeted</span> this time, yet he still did it and was caught at the end of Stage 18;</li></ul><br /><ul><li><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Patrik</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Sinkewitz</span> was the rider who failed a test before the tour even started. He has now admitted that he used a testosterone cream on his arm. Accidentally. Which is like Prince Charles saying that he 'accidentally' screwed Camilla whilst married to Diana. You knew it was there, you knew you shouldn't have used it and there was no accidental about it. And why put testosterone on your arm anyway?</li></ul><br /><ul><li>Now for the big two on our ride of shame. Alexander <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Vinokourov</span> and Michael Rasmussen. Vino, as he is known to the cognoscenti, had a bad fall early on, took illegal drugs to recover and when caught out came out with the most incredible excuse ever, claiming that he had too much blood in his thighs. One can only assume that this is the cycling equivalent of "Sorry darling, wrong hole". Rasmussen, on the other hand, did nothing wrong during the Tour itself. The problem is that he shouldn't have been in it anyway, having missed two tests in the 45 days before it started, so he should have been suspended, but for an administrative error. Having had a stroke of luck to be in it, he made the most of it and was the clear leader before being sacked by his own team, who claimed that he lied about his whereabouts for those tests. That the evidence on this is flimsy - a cycling journalist claims to have seen him in Italy when he said he was in Mexico - is probably irrelevant. The luck that got him into the Tour turned and saw him thrown out.</li></ul><br />All of this happened despite the cyclists signing up to a charter against drug taking. Which means that if pro cycling wants to get drugs out of the sport, the last people they can rely upon to do it are the riders. The evidence clearly shows that, whatever <span style="font-style: italic;">is</span> enhanced by <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">EPO</span> and the like, brain power isn't.<br /><br />The solution to the problem surely lies in the reason why there is a problem. It is not that there is too much money in the sport, or that commercial teams need to be taken out of it, it is the way that the races are organised. There are three elements that every cycling fan loves about the Tour and its kin - the time trials, the sprints and the mountain climbs. Cycling teams consist - usually - of four distinct groups of riders. There are the leaders, the ones who are thought to have the best chance of winning and the best all round set of skills. At the other end of the spectrum are the <span style="font-style: italic;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">domestiques</span></span>, good riders in their own right but lacking the necessary quality to do much more than support their leaders, acting as windshields and basically sacrificing their own chances to promote the lead man. Alongside and often among these are the other two groups, the sprinters and the climbers, whose role is to try and win the sprinting and climbing elements of the race. This is, of necessity, a simplistic view, but it will suffice for now.<br /><br />It shouldn't take too much imagination to realise that, on the sprint stages, the climbers are at a disadvantage, in the mountains the sprinters struggle and to cap it all everyone has to try and protect and keep up with the team leader. But, having established that everyone on each team is at a disadvantage compared to each other at some point in the race - save for the star, of course - the race organisers decide to make things even harder for them. First of all, the big sprints and mountain stages all either come at once, or come at the end of a 200km+ ride. Then, as a double whammy, any rider who finishes a certain time behind the stage winner is eliminated.<br /><br />To summarise, if you are a rider in a major road race you are going to be tired, desperately trying to keep up with your team and to cap it all running the risk of elimination if you don't. IS IT ANY WONDER THEY TAKE DRUGS?<br /><br />The people that run these things need to have a long hard look at how they organise them. Is it really necessary for cyclists to ride hundreds of kilometres through open countryside when the only interested spectator is the odd stray dog whose only desire is to end it all by hurling himself Emily Davidson-style under the wheels of a bike? Is it not better than one clean cyclist comes home hours before the rest than one doped up one finishes in the pack? Where does the entertainment in these things lie? Any half decent marketeer knows that if you have a major product, you sell it in the smallest chunks you can get away with - so why have four major climbs in a day when you can have two over two days?<br /><br />At the moment, the money and the format of the racing are incentives to take drugs. Reduce the stamina and speed elements needed each day, and instead spread them over more days and what do you get? In theory, cleaner riders and more money. Is that really so hard to do?<br /></div>The Skiverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13437257040319712932noreply@blogger.com0